December 1, 2010

I am still here...

I just realized I skipped November completely! It's not that I don't have the time to blog - I don't have the energy or the will to do pretty much anything. I tried to at least follow my fave blogs and leave a comment here or there just to "be present". 

Life has been a mess these past 2 years and the Universe keeps being unkind to my family. I won't even go into details as this post would turn into a big complaint and I don't want to bring you and myself down. I will share this though: my only aunt is fighting terminal pancreatic cancer and I can't even begin to imagine what she must be going through. We (my parents and I) are her only family and in a way we are going through her ordeal as well. We are doing all we can to help her ... but she more then often makes it difficult to help her. Her illness returning really upset me because I had hoped we could finally take a deep breath and reinvent our lives. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? 

After I recovered from my hyperthyroidism I vowed I would slow down. And I was quite successful in doing it: I "killed" my "to do" lists (and life is heaven without them!), I decluttered my home (makes it easier to clean), I concentrated on the task at hand and stopped feeling guilty if I preferred reading to ironing, I cut down the number of my pen pals (it was not easy but had to be done so I can enjoy the pen palling again), I took my time for everything that I did. That all ended with my the return of my aunt's illness. I am struggling to get back there where I felt more relaxed and more in control of my time. I am catching up on my mail, catching up on e-mails, on my blog... I don't know how long it will last... but at least I will not totally skip December, too :)) 


Elda said...

Take you time, bella, you're only just human! I can feel you, this isn't a beautiful emotional moment for you. When someone innocent fights for life, he puts everything into perspective and ends up changing his realatives and friends lives too. It's part of the process.

You don't have to force yourself, just lay down if you need like it, and enjoy your auntie more than ever. Life is universally too complicated in terms of who has to die or not to even bother thinking about it. I'm so sorry.

And I'm here. Always. You know that. I know it's difficult but you can use me when you feel like it. Even for little ordinary things. I'm not forcing you, asking you to go out or do things together because I don't want to push on anything. You must decide and organize and plan. Great friends wait and are here for you!

Eva said...

Spending time with your loved ones is much more important than blogging so do not worry about that.
Talking about your feelings and emotions is NOT complaining. To me you don't have to be cheerful as I know life ain't cheerful.
Focus on the things that really matter ... that includes reading, taking a nap or stare out of he window ... and blog only when you feel like it for 100%.

Look after yourself Sandra,


Sharon said...

Hi Sandra!
Yep, sometimes a person has too much on their plate and just has to put it down. Going through some stuff myself, so I understand.
Nice to see you by the way! I am kind of not blogging either, just taking a break.
Take care,

Louise said...

I'm glad to see you post again, Sandra, but can certainly understand the need to slow down and take care of important things like family first. You do what you need to do. We'll be here whenever you feel the need to communicate.

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